Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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