I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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