i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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