There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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