The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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