id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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