i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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