There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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