I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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