In America we eat man semen.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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