It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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