cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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