I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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