he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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