Got a toothbrush?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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