Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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