I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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