she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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