I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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