lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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