she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize