This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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