I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
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I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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