I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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