I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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