It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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