I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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