Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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