She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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