True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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