It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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