You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize