Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
zippers are such a cool invention
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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