My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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