I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
