pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize