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Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fuck appropriateness.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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