So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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