I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize