it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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