i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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