Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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