I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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