I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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