fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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