how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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