my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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