I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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