So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize