So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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